One of the most difficult things to say is “ I Am Sorry”. This is one reason why many of us are having challenges in life, offices, and families. Relationships and partnerships have been destroyed and some are going through pains because someone felt there was no need to say sorry and others can’t say “sorry”. A good sign of spiritual maturity is when a person always initiates reconciliation when there is a conflict. Issues, challenges, conflicts, misunderstandings and arguments will always come but we should not let them destroy our lives, friendships, homes, businesses and so on through pride.
Some time ago, on my way to the office, I told myself that I would put my colleagues in their place and I would give “it” to them if they stepped on my nerves that day. I was ready for them and tired of being gentle with them. For some time, the ladies I was working with (I was the only guy in my department) were getting on my nerves. I was accused and insulted with fingers pointed at me several times. There was a day I almost almost lost my cool but I had to hold it. So on my way to the office in the bus, I flashed back to what happened the previous day in the office. I was accused of saying something to my boss when she asked me concerning an issue. When my boss left, the ladies insulted me and one pointed a finger at me. I became so angry and infuriated in the bus that I told myself I would give it to anyone who got on my nerves that day. At this point in time, I heard a voice say within me that I should apologize to them. I hesitated because I felt I was not wrong. But I later gave in to the voice. When I got to the office, I apologized to them though it was not easy for me to do it. One of the ladies was agape and surprised because a married man who was older than them stood up, admitted his fault and apologized to some ladies who were not married and younger. That singular act brought peace, changed everything and made us united again as a team in the office.
The above experience is one of several experiences I have had and I had to initiate the reconciliation which brought peace to my heart, helped my friendship with many and my walk with God. However, I have not always apologized to the people i have had conflicts with. There were times I ignored the voice and followed my emotions. But as Christians, we should always take this position of initiating reconciliation when there is a conflict between us and others. This was the position our lord took when we messed up and sinned against him. He didn’t say that we were the ones that sinned against him and we are supposed to come to apologize to him like many of us say. Instead, He left his throne to save us and reconcile us back to himself. He took the lead to initiate the reconciliation. This is worth emulating.
Luke 19:10 says, “For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost."
Romans 5:8, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us”.
2 cor 5: 18 and 19 says,”18 Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, 19 that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation”.
We all should take this position as Christians wherever we are so that we can win more people to Christ Jesus, live at peace with all men and not to give the devil a foothold in our lives and homes. We don’t need to keep waiting for people to come to apologize to us. We just have to take the bull by the horn by initiating the reconciliation. The more we wait for the other person to apologize, the more the devil makes the issues worse. What we will suffer will be minimal if we apologize or reconcile on time compared to allowing the situation to become bigger and linger for days. Despite the fact that we were the ones who sinned, Christ came to seek us and initiate the reconciliation. I know it is painful to apologize when you are wrong and right, but the results it will give you for apologizing will exceed the issue and pains in your heart.
Matthew 18:15 say, “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
Also Matthew 5:23-24 says, “23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
When you initiate reconciliaition a times, the other person may not accept you well and may turn you back or insult you. If you have ever experienced it before, you will know how painful and embarassing it is when you make an effort to make peace with someone else and he insults you the more. This should not stop you from still going to anyone else if there is a conflict to make reconciliation with him. Also, many of us claim to be spiritual but if you keep malice, then think again. If you hardly apologize when you go wrong or seek to initiate reconciliation after a bad experience with a brother, then, are you spiritual? Christ has set precedence for us all. Your ego or pride cannot be compared to eternity. If we seek the will of God more than our feelings, pride and ego, more people will run faster in the race we are running, more souls will be won and those who are backsliding because of offence will be won back. The ways of God are different from ours.
Finally, Saying I am sorry is not a weakness but strength. It actually shows that you value your relationship, brother, friend and loved ones more than your pride. If you wait for her or him to call and apologize, you may not see him. You should also realize that time is not on our side for blame game and having grudges in our hearts. The earlier, the better. Wilson Ileogben
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