Facing Family Issues Head On.

"You know the kind of family you came out from and please don't tarnish the family's image". Most people are familiar with that statement. When they are travelling or going back to school, parents make that statement to their children and young people.
A friend told me that his father made that same statement when he was in primary, secondary and when he was going to the university he attended. A times, the statement irritates but the truth is that our parents did it to help and protect us so that we will not derail from the upbringing they gave us.
The family unit is very important and it is the most important entity amd cell unit in a nation. If any thing goes wrong with it, the nation and the world will suffer. However, some people in a family don't know the importance of a family. Our parents will say whatever happens in a family stays in a family. This is good because they want every issue that happens in the family not to become a public debate.
 However, there are some dangerous things that happen in a family that the family members sweep under the carpet. There is a vivid example in the Bible that exposes some wrong things that can destroy a home or family if not dealt with immediately.
 2 Samuel 13:1-39 says that Amnon had a serious lust for his sister Tamar and he succeeded in raping her. Verse 14 &15 says ( 14 But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her. 15 Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, "Get up and get out!").
After raping her, he hated her beyond measure. King David heard about it and he didn't do any thing about it. He was furious about it but he never dealt with it. Someone may say it is the sins he had committed that were catching up with him. My concern is not the nemesis, but the issue at hand. What his son did was a big disgrace to his family and a wicked thing in isreal. Rape was seen as a case of murder in Isreal.
Also, Tamar's brother, Absalom took it personal and later murder Amnon. They didn't deal with the issue of incest in their family but ignored it. If they had dealt with it, Absalom might not have killed Amnon.
 Deut 22: 25-30 says, ( 25 But if out in the country a man happens to meet a young woman pledged to be married and rapes her, only the man who has done this shall die. 26 Do nothing to the woman; she has committed no sin deserving death. This case is like that of someone who attacks and murders a neighbor, 27 for the man found the young woman out in the country, and though the betrothed woman screamed, there was no one to rescue her. 28 If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, 29 he shall pay her father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives).

The scriptures above talk about rape and its consequences. The man must be put to death depending on the situation or he must marry her and live with her for the rest of his life.
 King David could have sentenced his son to death or he should have forced Amnon to must marry her. He didn't do any of it, instead he ignored it.

Like i said earlier, If he had dealt with the situation, Absalom might not have killed Amnon. This is what happens in some families and the case is swept under the carpet. We have heard of fathers and grand fathers raping daughters and grand daughters, mothers rapping sons, sons rapping mother, uncles and Aunts rapping nephews, nieces and cousins rapping cousins. But the issues most times are swept under the carpet because they want to protect the family name. 

The stigmatization and shame would be terrible on Tamar and as well as other ladies who have been raped. But some families would prefer to protect the name of the family to the abuse and the effect the rape would have on the child. To love and protect family is good but not at the expense of a lady's or a boy's life and future. 

The psychological effect it will have on the person may linger on for years or forever if the case is not dealt with. Also, for people like Amnon, if the case is not dealt with, family feud and killings will continue from one generation to another.
A rapist needs help psychologically and morally apart from facing the law. So, issues like this in families should be dealt with or else, it will destroy the family. Incest is just one of the family issues, families tend to keep as secret. There are others that can destroy the existence and continuity of a family, like child abuse, stealing, favouritism, partiality, unfaithfulness,etc. Whatever issues that is existing in your family, it is better you deal with it now or else, it will bring shame, tears and regret later to all members of the family. May God help us all, Amen. Wilson Ileogben